On Intentions

If you want to understand someone’s intention, look no further than the result, or impact of their actions. This applies to our friends, partners, family, employers, leaders, systems or government. The impact *is* the intention.

If you want to understand your own intentions, the same applies.

The actions we take are what we actually intend, because its the actions, not the aspirations that create the impact. This applies to deadlines, chores, weight loss, self-care, fidelity, saving money, keeping our promises, breaking bad habits, sticking to New Years resolutions, etc. We may desperately want to lose weight and get in shape (been there) but the actions we take don’t set our future selves up for the results we really want and know we deserve, deep down.

The key here, is “deep down”. Do you know what your deeply held values really are? I’m not talking about your declared values, the ones you roll out at dinner parties or at the water cooler, I’m talking about your deepest, non-negotiables; those things you absolutely can’t go without. If you are like most people, you don’t. What about your life purpose? What are you here to do with your unique but limited life? Not what someone else wants from you, what society expects, or what you’ve agreed to, but that core set of intentions and beliefs about who you are and what your gift to the world is that has created a kind of recognizable pattern of action and behavior across the tapestry of your life?

You’ve probably been living your life purpose in some way, without ever thinking of it in such grandiose-sounding terms.

When looking at other’s intentions as well as examining our own, it comes down to understanding what’s going on under the surface that tell shape our experience; the moving parts, the motivations, the conflicting beliefs, desires, and habits, all doing their thing. But humans are meaning-making animals and telling stories is how we do that. Stories help us make sense of the otherwise chaotic experience of being alive, but they can also obscure the objective reality of what is.

So, forget the stories we tell ourselves and each other about who we are and what it all means.

If the impact is wellness, abundance, flourishing, justice, thoughtfulness, kindness, equity, justice and care, then it’s pretty clear what the intentions are.

If the impact is poor health, poor relationships, chaos or destruction, then it’s clear what the intentions are there, too. Regardless of the stories, declared values or stated intentions.

But what if the impact of your choices, or the actions of others we might admire, love or believe in just isn’t what you want or in our best interest? What then?

Well, the first step is getting comfortable with the discomfort of realizing there’s a gap between intention and impact. I don’t mean complacent, or numb to it. I mean comfortable with the fact that the stated intention and the very real impact are not aligned, rather than being in denial about it.

And then, deciding to do something about it.

Change is uncomfortable. We need to get comfortable with that too. Because change and growth only happen at the edge of our comfort zone. Better is always possible, but it almost always requires clarity, courage, allies and a willingness to endure some measure of discomfort.

What is the next best choice or action? What systems or structures can you put in place, or remove, to facilitate realigning your actions to achieve the impacts you really want? What resources do you have to help support you?

If all of this resonates with you, reach out. Let’s have a conversation about the impact you really want, where you are now, and what’s next for you.